I think repetition is important for slow, natural awareness-building.

But it's easy to get jaded and want to move on.

I know I’m not the only one with a brain who seeks out dopamine in the form of what’s NEW, and simultaneously requires the self-regulating nature of the EXISTING.

A continued confession; lately I still keep missing days in my cycle tracking space of Cycles Journal. I’ve been showing up more like 1-3 times a week rather than daily. I find this happens more often when I’m in a state of transition or change in my life… like as the holidays + new year approach, family needs arrive, relationships shift….

I've been questioning myself - why do I spend all of my out of pocket money to create this tool each year if I myself don't even use it enough?

(a fearful exaggeration because I do use it, just at my own pace and in new evolving ways...)

I put this unrealistic pressure on myself, and my inner critic convinces me it will be the downfall of my livelihood and this movement…

(funny how this tends to happen more intensely near full moons or my luteal phase…)

Shouldn’t be better at this by now? Shouldn’t I be a “healed leader”? 

(an unrealistic expectation of perfection which is fueled by colonial-capitalism - but hey, all these reframes, how I’m catching these internalized lies… that’s a sign that I HAVE made progress and this slow, essential work is benefitting me in the long term.)

Why would anyone, including myself want to use this tool again after years of the same thing?

(I question as if I or anyone can master the art and continual practice of Cyclical Mindfulness & embodied living within a year or even a lifetime?)

Each of these doubts and self-distrusting questions reminds me... Oh yeah, that's why I'm here, that's why I make and use Cycles Journal!

Because I'm still on this continual journey of cyclical self-awareness and Earth-based living - everyday, against the tides of our linear society.

I'm still on this journey not out of shame that I'm not "healed" yet or that I'm haven't grown and learned from my years of practice already, but because of the elephant in the room... IT'S ALL CYCLICAL.

Remembering to show up and use my tools is a practice of returning, re-cycling our wisdom, practices and rituals.

Allowing space to do nothing, forget my tools, and then come back when I’m ready is ALSO a practice of honoring the cycles.

This journal is more than a space to write and track, it's a guide to show up, when you can, AS YOU ARE.

Yes, that means even if you skip or miss days, weeks, months out of this journal - the days you do show up count exponentially because it helped you remember this practice, it helped you have a space of support to return to when you were ready.

So whether you didn't use your journal as much as you thought this year, or youre unsure if you need it again next year - you don't need it, you don't have to show back up in this way, but you will gain continual support and cyclical, spiralic growth when you give yourself this gift of trust, acceptance, unlearning and remembrance.

Cycles Journal is structured in the way nature and our modern world works - with dates and time existing with consistency yet pressure for better or worse, simultaneously as the cycles of the earth/our bodies orbiting around the sun and moon through cycles of seasons and weather patterns...

Teaching us that we can continue showing up, fluctuating and trying - beautifully imperfectly, as the world turns and this anchor of our body, this book, this Earth remains.

I created Cycles Journal to offer myself an anchor of grounding support in this ever-changing, fast paced world.

It serves to help me root into my own personal cycles of mental, menstrual and habitual wellbeing, and following of the inner and outer seasons and orbiting bodies. It connects me to both matter and spirit - and is a valued companion that is sitting nearby, patiently waiting no matter how many days I take away.

I continue to offer it to you, year to year, self-published out of my own pocket, heart and hands with the hopes it can continue or begin to be this for you too.

We are practicing productivity as presence with our own pace, and practicing presence not perfection in this space.

When I remember the cycles, I am not jaded or insufficient - I am simply human - embodied in my own ecosystem. ;) (foreshadowing an upcoming tarot deck I'm working on… of which you can witness and support the journey of while receiving supportive early-bird practice + messages here.)

And if you'd like to a guide to help this practice beyond the pages as well, please check out the Cyclical Mindfulness Method Guide!


Rachael Amber

March 11, 2024 — Rachael Amber Longo

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